The thought I can't have
by ilovemynoisey
Summary: Her mom left her, her dad beats her, and he bullies her. But the worst part, he knew exactly what she was thinking. But when there is a slip in the wall she put up, will he be able to save the suicidal girl.
1. Chapter 1

**It is a rough beginning, but if you like it, review and tell me so i can continue. Also, if you do like, tell me were you think it should go... maybe...**

AllyPOV

Here, everything has changed from the world YOU know. We can communicate silently, but only with one person. Who it is doesn't mean anything, but many times, they are soul mates or the best of friends. My story of the crazy mind stuff goes back to kindergarten, when I met the one and only, Austin Moon. And mine, differs from that of anyone else.

/

"But I don't want to go! I want to stay here, with you!" I screamed loudly, making my mom cringe.

"Baby Girl, you must. I can't let you stay home. Mommy has work."

I put on my best sad face, and did puppy dog eyes in her general direction, letting out an overly dramatic sigh.

Mommy turned around and walked away for the last time; leaving me in the classroom I had been dreading. I looked around, letting my eyes linger on each kid who I would be with for the next year. Each student was unique. There was a short girl (slightly taller than me, which wasn't saying much) who stood out because of her obvious discomfort in sitting next to quirky red head.

Mommy never came back, but I found a new family: Dez, and Trish. I never asked the foster parents questions, I never defied them, I was always a good girl.

As the years went on, Me and the students in that class quickly separated. It was Me against the world, only Trish a Dez staying by me. They had other friends, but nobody want to associate themselves with the little girl with bruises and scars everywhere you look.

That has how it has always been. Me fighting the urge to flee. But it is harder than it looks. A lot harder. Especially when you have a bully who can read the thoughts that are going through your head if you let your guard down. So I try not to. But then I get lost in a book, and my shield falls to the ground. Forgotten. And he gets into my brain.

He wants to hurt me, that much is obvious. And he has. But he doesn't know it yet, because I have hidden it behind walls that aren't down unless I am writing in my journal. There's another thing: I write songs. I write the lyrics, the music, and I bring it into concert orchestra and band form. It just flows out of me, but all that is ruined when I hear a snicker from behind me.

…so, back to kindergarten. The first day you attend school is the day you get you "powers" so to speak. I was excited when I walked into the room. The students all mingled and talked, getting to know one another. And then it happened. A large zap. It was painful. If I had known at the time that all the other kids had one through the exact same thing when they walked through the door, I wouldn't have screamed. That's when I realized I had stage fright, the moment all their eyes were one me. A blonde boy walked up while smiling. He stuck out his hand and said, "Hi I'm Austin!" Me and Austin hit it of… for the first hour or so. And then I felt a prickle, and then, I heard a voice, "Whoa, Hey, can you hear me?"

I got irritated, and that hour of friendship was quickly forgotten.

THIRD GRADE came about, and me and Austin where as hateful towards each other has 8 year old can be. He would cheat on tests using my nerdiness, and I could never tell on him, because you aren't supposed to meet this person until your 16. They would think I was crazy. Never before, in the history of this world, has one known who they can talk to before 16.

5TH GRADE was a blast, because me and Austin were in different classes. I didn't have to deal with him.

7TH GRADE is when it happened. He moved in next to me. My 12 year old self didn't know how to cope with insults being thrown at me during dinner. My song time was always being interrupted. My guard was down.  
I didn't know how to block him until the first hit contacted my stomach. It was an instawall. Hw even confronted me n school about it. You know the whole, "why can't I bully you in your head." I only smirked and acted like I knew why. But I didn't. I didn't know why this was happening to me. I didn't choose to block out the only person who could help me.

I wasn't safe, that much was clear. At home or at school, I got new bruises. So I would hide myself in a shell. Nobody could find me. And slowly, the person Trish and Dez knew for their whole lives, slipped away. And they didn't even notice.

But you don't want to here about my past. You want to know where I am now. Well, how about I tell you, EXACTLY where I am.

I am 16. So me and Austin are well known as the only people in our school who know each other, If you know what I mean when I say that. But, lets just start the story, on a normal day, beginning at 5:00 AM.

_I'm okay (I'm okay)  
I'm just fine  
We fade away, hardly crossed my mind_

I'm okay (I'm okay)  
My memories, they comfort me  
Thoughts of what we used to be

"uugghhh." I groaned hitting my alarm with a whole bunch of anger. This is too early for human life. This is not healthy. I fell asleep just 3 hours ago. Its not fair. I don't fall behind in school, I basically take care of my self, and I don't get enouh sleep. Life cant get better than this.

I pull myself up out of bed and look in my full body mirror that is attatched to my door. I look like a hot mess… perfect. I get dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, before tearing out my knots so I look slightly presentable. Walking to the bathroom, I rab my large supply of makeup and start on covering the scars and new bruises. Daily routine. Hide, work, school, repeat. Over and over again.

Slipping out the front door, managing to avoid my dad, I hop on the motorcycle I bought myself this year. I pulled my helmet on and pull out going unnoticed by the prying eyes of our neighbors, hum… AUSTIN, and head to my part time work at the Sonic boom. I work two hours in the morning, three hours after school, then I head to my job at the Ice cream store in the other mall for four hours. 9 hours of work, 6 hours or so of school, and then homework. On the weekends I babysit for 6 hours, so my week is always full, and unhealthily busy. Hurray for slave driving.

Unlocking the doors to the store, I walk in. I put the open sign on the door, and walk to the counter. Nobody shops this early, so I really don't see the point in opening it the early, but each to his own. The owner of the store, Lester, is really nice to me, and lets me come here whenever I want. I am so thankful for him. He makes up for the dad I don't have.

Like I said, nobody shops this early, so I went to school and got to my locker early, to avoid any confrontation between me and Austin. But, that doesn't mean other people aren't here, and this is made very clear when I see the floor coming straight at me, and a pain in my head causing me to black out.

My name is Ally Dawson

Welcome to my life.

Austin Pov

When I felt the zap on the first day of kindergarten, I could tell something was off from the start. I cried out in pain and everyone else seemed to have just had a small zap. But for me, it felt like I had just stuck a tongue ring I a light socket while it was still connected. It went on normal from there. I met Dez, life was good for about five minutes before I heard a screech. My head zipped around and I saw a mass of brown hair shacking in the doorway. I smiled. This is what was off. Something inside of me knew that this girl was important. She was going to play a big role in my life. The moral of my story, don't listen to instinct. She turned out to be the biggest bitch I have ever met. But a useful bitch if I do say so. Why do you think I used to be a straight A student. Ally. Well there you have it.

5:23 AM

_We're building it up  
To break it back down  
We're building it up  
To burn it down  
We can't wait  
To burn it to the ground_

Blasted my alarm. I woke up with a smile on my face. I just had the best dream ever which I don't care to share with you at the moment. I jumped up and practically sprinted to my window. I watched the door open, I watched the exhaust come out, and I watched her leave. I was officially insane. I was staring like an idiot. I yawn big before crawling back in bed. I don't know how she did it, but I needed to go back to sleep for another hour. I needed more sleep….

I slammed my locker shut before walking to history class. She was always early, so I fully expected to be able to throw paper at her, but she wasn't there. I sat down in the back and waited for her to come, but she never did.


	2. Chapter 2

Ally Pov

Let me explain the protocol. If you aren't on record, the hospital asks you who your mind twin is (my nickname for it), and it just so happens, I have never had so much as a cold, so me at the hospital was close to impossible. While this procedure of calling the twin isn't what YOUR used to, it is what is always done, so coma patients can communicate with doctors.

I haven't opened my eyes. I can't. They don't know who my mind twin is, thank God, so I can have some peace for a while. I don't need to worry about bills right now, I don't need to worry about Austin Moon, I don't need to worry about the doctors finding bruises or my father's levels of intoxication raising suspicion because of my corresponding marks. I am quiet, but like always alone.

"Ally?"

And that, is why I hate the technologies of today.

Austin POV

I was staring. It was like time was paused, and I had to dedicate this opportunity to staring. Waiting. Hoping. The only hole in my plan was that, well, she hated me, and she didn't have my number. So no matter how long I stared, my cell would never ring with her on the other side.

"Austin Moon, pay attention. Your father is speaking!" And so you meet my mother. You see, she didn't understand that my sanity depended upon the song Demons playing in correspondence to the sweet, melodic voice. So no, mom, I won't pay attention, until I get a Call from Ally. It had been two days, 12 hours, and 33 minutes (and counting) since I watched her pull out on her Midnight Blue Motorcycle.

"Yeah, let me just-"

When the days are cold

And the cards-

That's as far as it got before my phone was to my ear.

"Hello?"

I slid my chair back and speed walked to my room.

"Is this Austin Moon?"

"Yeah, that's me," and because of the unfamiliar voice I asked, "is something wrong?"

There was a pause before, "Are you aware of whom you're connected to?"

And the fear sets in. What happened to Ally! "Why?"

"I need the name of the person you have this connection with, it is important."

"Who are you?"

"My name is Dr. Frank, I work in the brain trauma center. I need to know if you are the right person who needs to be contacted."

By now I was sitting on my bed. _Brian trauma, is that even a real thing. Why is ally there? Oh, God, what did she- _"Ally Dawson. Now tell me what happened to her."

"I need you to come to the hospital, and go to the brain Trauma center, as I said before. I will explain it then."

So, what do I do? Well, I ran down the stairs, ignored my mom's yelling for me to sit back down, and probably ruined my car for forever with how fast I was going. I want to be Ally's friend, but she pushes me away, so I always end up yelling. I care, I just have to keep it to myself, but this? This was my opportunity.

By the time I was calming down, I had pulled into the parking lot. I don't want to be here. There are people in wheelchairs, and I don't think I could bare seeing ally not able to jump around like the dork she tries to hide. I know it's creepy, but I have watched her, singing, dancing, laughing. But while she seems happy, she is only like that when she is alone. Not once, have I ever seen her sing in public. Not once have I ever seen her dance in public. Not once have I ever seen her do that unless she is unaware of the audience.

Walking in, through the big glass doors, I was immediately identified. I heard the receptionist pick up the phone and say, "Austin Moon is here." Almost as soon as she put the phone down, the doors leading the patient rooms opened. A tall man with brown hair walked up to the girl at the desk. Once she saw him, her finger pointed in my direction and she said, "that's him."

_How the hell did she know who I was in the first place? _

"Please follow me," said who I am assuming is Dr. Frank. "I guess I should tell you that Ally is in a coma. That is the easiest part." I think he understood how hard this new was to receive because he didn't continue. He let me wallow in self-pity. I followed while analyzing the piece of information that had just been presented. _It was probably her motorcycle. She probably is going to die. They would've told me that, right? _

"What else?"

Dead. That is how I would explain my voice. No emotions. Dead…

"She was… well, how do I put this… She was hit over the head with a baseball bat by someone at her school. We couldn't find her dad, and he wasn't home when we went, and so we started our research. The only consistent name was yours, so we went out on a limb. The person who assaulted her is being dealt with, so you don't need to worry. We are looking into it, but right now, I need your help."

Cold. That's what I felt.

"With what." Well, dummy, she is in a comma, you can talk to her mind, no-one else can… _oh._

Dr. Frank just smiled at me. I think he understood.

"Have you and her ever held a conversation using the abilities?"

"No."

He opened a door, and we entered an office that smelled like candles you get around Christmas. "Well, that could pose a problem. We are going to need you to try. You two must not have that strong a connection as it has never been exercised, but you should still be able to. We don't know how long she will be in the comma, so we need all the information we can get on her… well… I guess you could call it bullying. We found Bruises and scars all over her body. We need you to find out where that is from."

I felt like I deserved a theme song, because I am pretty sure I pulled one of those cheesy hero faces. "Ok." And so, I would like to thank my inner Shakespeare, for the brilliant reply to the speech Doctor Man over there gave. "Where is she?"

He led me to a room, with the awful linoleum that seems to appear in every hospital. Inside, I saw Ally, curled up on a bed. He led me over to a chair, and sat me down next to Ally. "Push the assistance button when you are done. I have list for you. Try to get everything on it."

Inner Shakespeare replied, "okay."

**_The List_**

_Where are the bruises from? _

_How long have you had them?_

_Who has been bullying you, and why?_

_Have you any idea who did this?_

I guess it was pretty general. Nothing to specific. So, I guess, here goes nothing.

"Ally?"


	3. Pizza in the past

**Look, I know it sucks. I need you guys to review. I don't care if you leave a review as guest. I don't care if it is negative, I just want to know how to make this better. give me suggestions. Also, I am back to school on Tuesday, so updates will be coming even slower. But review will make me go faster. Also, there is going to be a lot of answers answered in either chapter 9 or sixteen, because there are two different direction I might want to got with this story.**

Ally Pov

_"Hey, you want to play checkers with me?"_

_"Yeah, defiantly, I don't know how to, so you have to teach me!"_

_And so we smiled. It was that insta friend thing. It was us. For an hour, all because of a 5 year olds tongue, and the other ones maturity. That's all it lasted. 60 minutes. 3600 seconds. And he asked the question. _

_"Did you feel that prickly feeling when you walked in the door?"_

_That is all it took. That simple question. And my walls were up. I had already been scarred. It was that easy. _

Ten years later

"I need the meat lovers special, cheese sticks, 7 large cheeses, 3 pepperonis with garlic sauce on the side." I slapped the table in my finish and I had used that tone of voice that builds up suspense and so, to ad to my big finish, I set my phone on the table, and smile triumphantly.

Yup, that is my life. Sad, huh.

The guy behind the pizza hut counter just looked at me, and handed me back my 3.75 in change. I rolled my eyes and said in a really annoying Jersey accent, "Amuse a girl."

I had just given him the order to Austin's birthday party, courtesy of the idiot himself. You see, dad and Mike are really good friends, so the long and awkward barbecues that always go on are impossible to avoid. It was his 15th Birthday, and I was playing the role of "delivery girl." My life is great, but it gave me a chance to escape to looks Mimi gives me and Austin. And the weird part, unless he broke our deal, she doesn't even know that we have the connection. Nobody can know. Not until we are 16. It would be too dangerous if they knew. I think that Austin can understand that, and yet, she always looks like she know something that we don't.

Austin was always glaring at me, and making me do stuff for him. Like, for example, getting the freaking pizza. I sat down at the booth to wait for it. Mimi had let me drive her minivan to get the pizza, and I figures it was kind of a gift to me to. I got to be away from the beast for a while, and he got pizza, as far as I can tell, it is a fair trade. Plus, dad said if I got the pizza, I wouldn't have to stay for the party. It was a win\win.

30 minutes later, the called my order, and I went up. I smiled at the guy and leaned closer to him a bit and asked in an almost… dare I say it... Flirty voice it he could help me with the pizza. Now please, don't get me wrong, I have 100% no issue with flirting with guys, or even girls if I have an ulterior motive, but understand, this guy is probably 30. He rolled his eyes, and picked up 5 of the pizzas. He loaded them up into the van, and I took off. I blasted the music.

I feel like I had that drunk quality to my voice. I was laughing at myself and having a genuinely having a good time in my own little world.

I can't stay on your life support,  
There's a shortage in the switch  
I can't stay on your morphine,  
'Cause it's making me itch

I was dancing lika fool

I said I tried to call the nurse again,  
But shes being a little bitch  
I think I'll get outta here, where I can

Just letting go

Run just as fast as I can  
To the middle of nowhere  
To the middle of my frustrated fears  
And I swear you're just like a pill  
Instead of makin' me better,  
You keep makin' me ill  
You keep makin' me ill

I reached our houses, and Austin was there to greet me looking irritated. I rolled down the window, looked at him, and busted up laughing.

His eyebrows went down in confusion.

"youre just like a pill!" I was chocking on my laughter, "you keep," snort," makin'," snort, "me," squeak, "ill." I was practically screaming. I hadn't laughed in a while. I looked over at Austin to see him smiling at me, looking amused. "okay, this is creeping me out, say something stupid to make me mad."

"And moment over," he replied while rolling his eyes.

I put my hand over my mouth in mock astonishment, "Did Austin Moon admit to having a moment with Ally Dawson! Man, keep this up and you might lose your hard earned image." I let my smile drop, "Oh… wait, just kidding, it comes naturally to you." It comes a goes, this anger. Sometimes we laugh, and other times we fight. But that's okay. The thing that gets me though, is how he bullies me in front of people. It doesn't matter who it is, he is a rude jerk when around others.

"Help me with the pizzas, Dawson. Then go home." It was cold. I turned to look behind me, and sure enough, I saw why he sounded like a dead fish. Dallas and "the Crew" were walking up behind me. I coward and glanced at Austin with a desperate "why?" expression.

"Ally, dear, your back already!? Ill help you with the pizza." Thank you Mimi.

I smiled at her and laughed before saying, "well when you got these," I said while dramatically pointing to my chest," perverted men will do anything to please you." I smirked, pretending to remember something. I licked my lips, "and I mean ANYTHING."

Austin Pov

If I didn't have the self-control I do, I probably would have screamed right then. My Ally changed. I mean, I knew that, but seriously! I saw my mom smile and shake her head. How could she be so calm. Ally basically just admitted…. Prostitution or something. And there is nothing. Agh. Stupid Ally.

"Austin, help her. Boys, get over here… now."

Long story short, I was now opening the back of the mini van with Ally right beside me. "why do you do that?"

I looked up. "Do What?"

She studied me for a second. "Nothing."

She reached out for a pizza, and I couldn't help but notice her pulling down her sleeve. What was going on?

Thanks for reading, and you should know that reviews are really, really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really cool.


	4. A bubbly Memory

_**Really short Chapter, I know. But, it is beginning to answer questions, and raise more. So please, review. Tell me what is missing, and tell me what to add to. I am on my knees begging you to help me. **_

Ally Pov

_Kindergartens first day ended. It was great. I mean, yeah, I already knew me and Austin wouldn't get along, but Trish and Dez became fast friends. After Austin asked me that question, I ignored him. If it wasn't for what we had learned in that first hour, we would probably be best friends. But the teacher was required to explain the electric shock. She explain that it should feel like a lit pinch. Like when you play around. It shouldn't hurt._

_ But mine did. _

_So when she explain the extreme pain when you meet your connections at the ceremony held on February 15, on the year you turn 16, I knew something was off. I didn't feel a lite pinch. _

_ "Meeting before you turn 16 is unheard of, and thanks to that, the problems no longer occur."_

_ It became a constant mantra that circled my head for years and years._

* * *

_I walked out of the building and waited were mommy told me too. I waited and waited, but she never came. I saw a nice blonde woman walking my way. She kneeled down and looked at me sadly before asking, "is your name Ally Dawson?"_

_ I had learned about these kinds of people. They wanted to steel you, and do bad things to you. So, being a good girl, I scrunched my nose up at her, turned towards the building, and screamed bloody murder. Over dramatic…? I know. _

_ I saw my daddy run out of the building, but no before the angry men in blue grabbed him. I turned to the woman, who looked at me, gauging my reaction. "what are they doing to my daddy?"_

_ That night, I slept at her house. She was a certified foster parent. She worked it out, because after they tried to take me away, I clung for dear life to her. I don't know why, but it felt like the right thing to do. I slept on her couch, until she had cleaned up the guest bedroom. "Amy?" I called out._

_ Instantly, I heard her clumsily walking towards my door. "What is it Ally dear?"_

_ "When will I see Daddy?"_

* * *

Present

"What do you want Moon?" I felt angry, even in my euphoric place of bliss that my mind had conjured up. He just couldn't help cut interrupt me, could he?

"I, uh… Hey ally." At this point, he sort of materialized into my brain. He was looking around. I never had my walls down long enough to let him in. This was new to both of us, but just like when I am asleep, I can't push him out.

I looked around to. We were in the sonic boom, except, there were old memories floating around me. Waiting to be blown away.

I looked at Austin, and looked at the bubble. It had his face on it. "I wonder," I said as I stuck out my hand, and popped it. I blinked as a brilliant light exploded before me. I looked back at Austin. I felt hate, but why?

I realized something then. I didn't remember why I hated him. Could it be because of the bubble? I smiled at him brightly, before asking, "What do you need?"

Austin pov

I watched her hand reach out and pop the bubble. It seemed so childish and fun. She looked back at me, studied me, then smiled like the first time we met. I hadn't seen that in 11 years. Now that we were allowed to be open, she was even quieter. I didn't really know her anymore. I only knew who she was when she was 15. A whole year has past. She was the only one who didn't look excited during the ceremony. She looked distraught when she realized that everyone would know, but she still tried to hide it. Nobody made the connection that we knew each other for forever. Because nobody cared.

I watched my Ally, turn to me, tilt her head, and ask me, "What do you need?" I just stared.

_**Reviews are really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really cool!**_


	5. Maybe it was me

_**okay, I am sorry for the extremely short chapter but it is two milestones in the story so I thought I deserved its own chapter. Thx for reading. I appreciate any reviews I can get. Yall are awesome. Also, is anyone here in the lower forty eight? If so, I was hoping you could actually describe the weather down there. Have a good week. Morbid chap, I know. Read it, breathe it, osmosis it. I really don't care your method, but please review it. Love the few of you who read!**_

Austin Pov

February 15th of the year I turned 16. Well, I guess you could say next year, because my birthday was in October. It was one of the few times me and Ally were civil. WE worked out what we would do. Sit on opposite ends of the cafeteria, or, we stay home. It seemed like the best solution. I could tell she was terrified someone would realize what we had been hiding for more than ten years. Ill admit, I liked the idea of someone finding out BECAUSE of the consequences, but I hid for her. She couldn't stand the idea of me and her being tested like some lab rats. We are genetic freaks… sort of. The truth is I don't know how to explain it. We weren't supposed to happen. So, she didn't let us. If she didn't have some mystical control over me, we would probably have started the apocalypse by now.

For three months we hadn't fought. We were too busy planning an escape. But as we planned, you could physically see a change in her. I thought it was the stress, so, being stupid, I told her to just let it happen. Those months ended. Quickly. That Valentine's day, my cell phone rang.

"Austin. I'm scared. What if they realize? I'm sorry, but I can't live with for the rest of my life. I have been preparing for this since," the line went quiet for a few seconds before, "well, since I met you. I have been preparing to run. So, I am going to ask you to do something for me. Do you promise you will hide if they look for you?"

Thoroughly confused I asked her," you're leaving? Why?"

I could hear her smile, but it wasn't happy. "I have to. I am not safe anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Austin… be my friend for a few hours?"

About thirty minutes later, she was on my couch watching the most childish movies we could find. I never understood what she meant by she was running until the next day when I woke up with her leaning on my shoulder. I looked down at her and realized something. She didn't leave. But then I saw it. Something that makes me sick just to think about… blood. It was everywhere, and I could see more seeping out of her arm. That moment, is when my life ended. I died.

Ally Pov

That was the day, I almost died. I was allowed to miss the ceremony and my strategy in case of survival worked. I slept on scissors by accident, and with a little convincing from my dad, we convinced the peoples that run that place I would soon become very familiar with that I was very happy and would never commit suicide. That relief was short lived when my dad closed the door. He looked at me, and that day, was the day I got my first black eye and bloody nose.


End file.
